ScotchSquatch

These are wild times we’re living in. And let’s all be frank here, judging by the social media posts I’ve seen all weekend, a lot of you are really fucking stupid. As Italy’s body count rises like my plate of meatballs at my Nana’s house, did people seek shelter and avoid other people? Did they… Continue reading

It’s that special time of year again where it’s normal to see people in the streets walking around who look like they passed out in an ash tray. I grew up having to wait in line for an hour so some priest can smudge my perfect little forehead with the ashes of burnt boys underpants-… Continue reading

Blue Jays catcher Reese McGuire was just arrested for jerking off in a Florida parking lot IN his car. Which is by far the least offensive thing someone has done in a South Florida parking lot. But I know I speak for literally everyone when I say, since WHEN is that illegal? Since when can… Continue reading

If I had to describe the Super Bowl halftime show in one word I would describe it as great. If I had to describe it in two words, I’d describe it was very great. It was perfect. Shakira and JLo are two incredibly talented, strong, smart women. That being said, lets get to some horny… Continue reading

All the greats have found their love, their passion. Van Gogh had his paintings. Donatello had his sculptures. Guy Fieri has his dipping sauces. I have inspirational memes. And the new year is like the super bowl of these people sharing these kind of memes. It’s like all year long they save up and squirrel… Continue reading

So I’m at Target today buying vegan pot stickers and ultra-thin condoms that I had a coupon for when I walked out to my car and saw this shit: Are you fucking kidding me? What type of scum-bag monster just leaves their cart right there, blocking a car in the fuel efficient spot? I’m over… Continue reading

Our prayers have finally been answered folks, you can now sleep inside of a human asshole. Some Dutch lunatic opened a hotel shaped like a butthole. On one end is a wrinkled white anus that appears to have taken a moderate amount of damage in its life. It gets slightly larger before tapering off at… Continue reading

I’m a big Tyson Fury guy. I love his antics, his personality, and the dude just fucking hits hard. But what I don’t love is this boxer cutting back so much on the number of times he jerks off a day leading up to the biggest fight of his career. Like I get that he… Continue reading

It’s pretty hard to shock me these days, having spent most of my time either on the internet or at the bar. I feel like I’ve seen everything there is to see. That is until this story came across my metaphorical desk. Twenty year old Demi was afraid to fly alone, so she did what… Continue reading

As someone who has been greatly effected by the banning of plastic bags, I absolutely love this story. Seeing as I don’t have the brain capacity to remember to bring bags with me, I’m always forced to spend a few bucks every shopping trip on bags. Meanwhile condoms are still totally legal, even after my… Continue reading