ScotchSquatch

It was reported this morning LeBron is going to be living in NY while playing in Philly. Now this move isn’t totally irregular. It usually happens when someone has a lot of ties to NY with family. But LeBron is from Cleveland, so that’s not the case. It’s just a case of him simply liking New York more. And that’s not a surprise, since there are reports of him sniffing around my beloved Knicks. Luckily they told him to shove off. If I had to root for that geriatric turd fondler I’d be so fucking bummed. Out here chasing rings like Gollum.

Someone, please let me know if that was a good Lord of the Rings joke, I’ve only seen the first one, and I was stoned out of my mind for it.  

This announcement comes on the heels of LeBron James being given his own day by the dork mayor of Philadelphia. A day that you could argue,  he spent in New York, taking in all the sites and sounds while he shopped for a place to live. I like to imagine him getting the message that today was LeBron day in Philly while enjoying Forest’s Seafood Feast at the Bubba Gump Shrimps in Times Square. 

I think LeBron is probably scared, and with good right. Philly fans are a fierce as they get. He’s probably worried about his house being burnt down the first time someone buys $400 nosebleed seats to see him play and he takes the day off to nurse his cramps. Or for the threats of violence when they get bounced in the playoffs, again. 

I can’t wait for the chirping to start, for all the Philly pholks to be yammering on about how Wawa is better than any bodega. It’s not. I’d take the worst bodega sandwich over a Wawa gas station sandwich any day of the week. I do have to concede on one thing though, a cheesesteak is the best sandwich on Earth. 

At least traffic won’t be a concern, and it’s not like he’s about to buy an Amtrak pass either. Lebron is going to be commuting via helicopter, a move we all know works out great for basketball players. 

As a massive Kobe fan, that didn’t feel great typing.