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PINNED: I Just Spent The Last Five Weeks Running A Panera Bread Instagram Account, With Zero Permission To Do So
It all started like most of my ideas, with me being a little drunk and a little stoned. My friend had casually mentioned to me that the new Panera Bread was set to open soon, but when he went to check when they would open, there was no answer, as they had no social media Continue reading
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Wanted: The Rat That Added Six Weeks To Winter [disclaimer: there is a gif in here you might find upsetting. don’t let that stop you from clicking though, I’m ok with a mean email or three]
![Wanted: The Rat That Added Six Weeks To Winter [disclaimer: there is a gif in here you might find upsetting. don’t let that stop you from clicking though, I’m ok with a mean email or three]](https://thescotchsquatch.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/winter-rat-squatch.png?w=1024)
I don’t know about you, but I’m devastated this little weasel thing saw it’s shadow. I’d hate to advocate violence in any fashion, but if ever a rat has deserved to be smushed or thrown up against a wall real hard, it’s now. As most of you have heard by now, the creature known as Continue reading
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Holy Smokes, The 2025 Papal Hunger Games Are Here
Ah, the papal conclave—a time-honored tradition where 135 crimson-clad cardinals gather in the Sistine Chapel to elect the next supreme ruler of the church. It’s like Survivor: Vatican Edition, but with worse smells, cuter sandals, and way more gay dudes. As the College of Cardinals prepares to cast their votes on scrolls, let’s meet the Continue reading
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The Three Wisemen of The Giants QB Room
It’s been a while since I’ve written about sports, so excuse me while I shake the cobwebs off a bit. I spent the last week or so excited about the signing of Jameis Winston. Not because I think he’ll make the team better, but because I think he’s one of the funniest players in the Continue reading
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In Honor of Finding Frank Sinatra’s Concert Rider Online, I’ve Decided to Make My Own
I was perusing Facebook this morning when I stumbled across Ol Blue Eyes concert rider and it made me think, I should make my own rider to give to all my friends. This way when I’m invited over I’ll no longer be disappointed in the items my friends provide for my entertainment. Frankie starts off Continue reading
blog, comedy, dark humor, deviled-eggs, food, funny, humor, jokes, laugh, news, poetry, recipes, satire, social media -
AJ Brown reads Inner Excellence on the sidelines, but these (better) celebrities read my book, 86’ed
In honor of AJ Brown brown reading Jim Murphy’s Inner Excellence on the sideline during a game and making his book sell like hotcakes, I thought I would share all the times celebrities have been seen reading my book in public. Now this isn’t me bragging, although it really does seem like it, I can Continue reading
blog, book-review, book-reviews, books, comedy, dark humor, funny, horror, humor, jokes, laugh, reading, satire -
New Years Resolutions 101 with The ScotchSquatch
Let’s start off with some pleasantries: Happy New Year, folks. I keep seeing across social media that people are over or done with New Year’s resolutions. I assume this is because every year, you pick hard resolutions, like losing 50 pounds or quitting smoking cigarettes. I’ve been there before too. You start the year off Continue reading
2025, blog, comedy, dark humor, funny, goals, health, humor, jokes, laugh, laughing, new years resolution, new-year, nyd, nye, resolutions, satire, satire blog, social media -
I am proudly in the 50% of males who believe (know) they could land an airplane
Ok so let’s create the scenario where this happens and what I would do. 9:05am: I board the plane first (first class obviously) and take my seat. As my ass hits the seat I’m ordering a double scotch no ice with a ginger ale side car. 9:06am: A lovely mamacita sits next to me. She’s Continue reading
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Get Excited, Pizza Hut is Introducing Tomato Wine for the Holiday Season
Man, Pizza Hut just does not fucking miss. This could not be coming at a better time either as I’ve recently decided to become a wine guy and for the life of me I cannot think of a better wine to have as a favorite than a Pizza Hut tomato wine. A spokesperson for the Continue reading
comedy, comedy-blog, dark humor, food, funny, humor, jokes, news, pizza, pizza hut, pizza hut wine, satire, social media, wine -
Facebook Marketplace is a Goldmine
One of my nightly rituals, the only one I’ll discuss here, is to peruse Facebook marketplace for the weirdest items I can find and show my idiot friends. Lately, there have been some real gems, so I thought I’d share them with you folks. These are my finds from this past week. Let’s get into Continue reading
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NASA Willing to Pay $3 for Innovative Ideas on Removing Space Garbage
Not sure why NASA posted this online and didn’t ask me directly but I guess that’s why they’re losing the war on space to Elon Musk and the dorks at Space X. Either way, I’m here to help serve my country and my universe, as I obviously have some excellent ideas on removing and moving Continue reading
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