ScotchSquatch

I don’t know about you, but I’m devastated this little weasel thing saw it’s shadow.

I’d hate to advocate violence in any fashion, but if ever a rat has deserved to be smushed or thrown up against a wall real hard, it’s now.

As most of you have heard by now, the creature known as Punxsutawney Phil, has decided to extend winter by six more weeks. For the life of me I cannot figure out why we let this little rat dictate our seasons. I just don’t get it. And why is it only with winter? I know a lot of teachers who would give a nut for six more weeks of Summer.

Anyway.

Phil, have you taken a look outside at the hellscape we’re currently living in? Nancy Kerrigan could do a triple axel in my driveway. There is a snowbank across the street from me you could bury a short family standing up in. I think we’ve had enough winter.

Frankly, I think it’s time we stand up and stop taking orders from this creepy little rat fuck, and I’d like to offer up an alternative to Punxsutawney Phil.

The Stafford Squatch.

And guess what? The Stafford Squatch didn’t see his shadow. He saw a great big bright light. Winter is dead.