Steve
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I’m Not An Idiot: State The States: Part 2
Like I said in part 1, a lot of people think I’m just some idiot, so in an effort to prove my intelligence, I’m going to be going through all 50 states, and identifying them and teaching you a few random facts about them. If you missed part 1, click here. Let’s jump right into… Continue reading
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Chris Evans Accidentally Shows Off Lieutenant America: Grade That Hog
So after asking my agent and advertisers and then getting screamed at for about an hour it’s come to my attention that I’m not allowed to share the actual pic of Lieutenant America, AKA Chris Evan’s wrench. So I studied it for a few hours, and recreated it. I mean honestly, that is pretty much… Continue reading
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Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina Candles
First off, can we please talk about how her company’s name is Goop? What kind of a name is Goop? After a quick Google search Goop means exactly what you think it does, a sloppy or sticky seminal fluid-typically something unpleasant. Actually, come to think of it, it’s a perfect name for a company that… Continue reading
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I’m Not An Idiot: State The States: Part 1 of 5
It’s recently come to my attention that a lot of people think I’m an idiot. And that’s fucking dumb. So in my attempt to clear my good name, I’m going to do a book report on all 50 states, without looking anything up. So I guess it’s not really a book report. I guess it’s… Continue reading
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Kiss My Ass Tony Danza
I had to wake up to this news the other morning, so as you can imagine, I was less than pleased. Not only that, but my feud with Tony Danza has been very well documented, so all of my friends kept texting that this loser is getting his show back. As you might remember, this… Continue reading
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Will Smith: Confirmed Cuck
We all knew it would happen to him eventually. Will Smith is a pretty good looking guy, but if we’re being honest I wouldn’t bang him. I would however bang his wife, Jada. I think a lot of people feel that way too. Listen, if you’re going to dress up like The Genie from Aladdin,… Continue reading
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Is Joey Chestnut The Most Dominate Athlete Of All Time: An Investigative Report
When people talk about the greatest and most dominate athletes of all time you hear names like Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, Michael Phelps, Rocco Siffredi, or even Tiger Woods. But now the name that I believe should ring the loudest is Joey Mother Fucking Chestnut. 75 hot dogs. Seventy Five hot dogs. Michael Jordan only… Continue reading
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Dave Matthews Band Announces Summer Tour
Folks the hero we need to save us during these trying times is finally here: DAVE IS BACK ON TOUR!! Dave is what we, the real fans, call him. He’s known as Dave Matthews Band to everyone else. Now when we need him most, he is going on a summer world tour to try and… Continue reading
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I’m Opening Up A Business
The economy is in a bit of a slump right now with the temporary closing of businesses due to the Corona Virus, so what better time to announce my latest, and for sure greatest business venture yet. I’ve recently procured a few ghosts, six of which, are extremely mean. The other two, are just a… Continue reading
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According to NJ State Police, an “Inordinate” amount of poop and pee were found at reopened State Parks.
Now if that’s not the most New Jersey thing ever, we finally get something nice back and you guys filled it up with shit and piss. NEW JERSEY — There was an “inordinate” amount of urine and feces left in bottles at recently reopened parks in New Jersey over the weekend, officials said on Monday.… Continue reading
ScotchSquatch 