If someone could help me come up with a better Melon Crush Monday logo than this one I made in five minutes, that would be awesome. As for now it’s going to remain a set of melons with owls for nipples. Or as I call it a set of melons/hooters. Anyway, we’ve officially taken back the… Continue reading

So Easter has passed and that means one thing. And no, it’s not that Jesus has risen, it’s that all of that delicious Easter Candy is now on sale for crazy cheap. Allow this to be your guide as to how to spend that last ten dollars of yours wisely. Here’s my top five Easter… Continue reading

Today is a great day to roll out a new franchise on TheScotchsquatch.com. This one is called Melon Crush Mondays, or #MCM for short- where we highlight girls with great hooters from our past. Sure it used to stand for Man Crush Monday’s, but it’s time we take back the night (Monday night). And the inaugural… Continue reading

This is going to be my magnum opus of Tony Romo insults. I swear to God, Tony Romo could fuck up a wet dream. Whether it was fucking up a basic extra point that would have made his team advance in the playoffs or throwing a last second interception to end a playoff run, Tony Romo truly stands… Continue reading

“The Las Vegas Raiders”- there is absolutely zero ring to that. At least when the Rams moved to the city of angels it had a ring to it, people have been talking about the good old days when LA had a football team forever. Today on a 31-1 vote, with the Dolphins being the only no… Continue reading

South Carolina vs Florida is on right now and I bet on South Carolina to out right win. I only took it because it pays out well and I hate Florida. Not all bets are smart ones, but they’re all necessary. This blog post is brought to you by the 35+ Miller High Lifes I… Continue reading

Not a great start to March Madness for me. Started with a real hard 0-1. The Notre Dame vs Princeton had 118 points and the over was 134. If some of those nerds from Princeton would have been able to make a few more simple lay ups I would have pulled it off. But no,… Continue reading

This is the holy grail for the degenerate gambler, it’s basically Christmas in March. But instead of getting gifts and spending time with your family you’re losing your rent money and you’re screaming at 18 year olds for missing an easy lay up. But seriously, it’s a fucking lay up. Get your goddamn shit together.… Continue reading

Tim Tebow’s career has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. He does all this weird shit and everyone just chalks it up to him being super religious and such a great person. First he went all four years at The University of Florida without touching a single boob. That right there makes me wildly upset.… Continue reading

This is Starting NFL Quarterbacks And How They Lost Their Virginity** We’re all sexual beings. All of us. Everyone from your little sister to Katy Perry to your grandfather. They’ve all had sex. Some better, some much worse. Either way, sexuality is always there. Whether it’s on the big screen in a movie theater or in… Continue reading