This is Starting NFL Quarterbacks And How They Lost Their Virginity**

We’re all sexual beings. All of us. Everyone from your little sister to Katy Perry to your grandfather. They’ve all had sex. Some better, some much worse. Either way, sexuality is always there. Whether it’s on the big screen in a movie theater or in this case on the football field.

When I see a quarterback hit his receiver perfectly in stride on a go route my mind goes to the same place yours goes: I wonder how he lost his virginity. So I did some research and a little internet digging, made some phone calls, sent some faxes and I was able to get in touch with a few people who were able to tell me how these top quarterbacks lost their virginity.

Lets start with Andy Dalton:

Andy grew up in the blue collar Texas suburb of Katy. He grew up on hay bails and honky-tonk music. My sources claim he first made penetration in a barnyard after the Sadie Hawkins dance that him and his friends flew solo to. After berating another young farm boy and stealing his date, he’s a jock- it’s well within his right to behave this way, he took the date out back by where the horses stay. He unlocked the horses and let them all run free, so they could have a bit more privacy. Also horses deserve to run wild and free. That’s the cowboy way.

Once the horses were gone Andy kicked off his cowboy boots, pulled down his dungarees, and entered  sweet Sally Rae Jessup to the mellifluous sounds of Billy Ray Cyrus singing Don’t Break My Heart, My Achy Breaky Heart.

Aaron Rodgers:

Listen, Aaron Rodgers gets to fuck one of, if not the most beautiful woman on earth- Olivia Munn. In order to achieve such a feat he had to pay his dues. And part of those dues mean deep dicking not so attractive women. Sources close to Aaron claim that he lost his virginity to a woman so unattractive that when they sat down for dinner the server at the Red Lobster they were eating at brought her food out in a dog bowl. Extremely harsh I know, but what are you gonna do? Dogs gotta eat.

Tony Romo:

Not a big story here, sources close to Tony say he lost his virginity while on vacation in Mexico when he was 17. He ended up dating the guy for a year afterwards.

Drew Brees:

Drew Brees is essentially 5’6 without football pads or cleats on, so him losing his virginity took quite a bit of effort. Some people think that this is why he learned how to throw a ball, but in reality Drew Brees didn’t lose his virginity until he purchased his fourth Jimmy John’s. He now owns eight Jimmy John’s and sources close to him say he has “plenty” of sex now, so every one in high school who picked on him can now, “suck his fucking dick”.

Ben Roethlisberger:

Ben’s tale of his lost virginity is a tragic one, but like any good journalist, I’ve got to write about it. Ben lost his virginity when he was nine years old, when he sexually assaulted his 17 year old baby sitter. 10 year old Big Ben settled out of court with his babysitter for an undisclosed sum.

Eli Manning:

Eli Manning lost his virginity at the ripe young age of 15. He has been looking for it every off season ever since. In 2003 he received his first big break in the case when he stumbled upon his high school year book and recognized the person he had sex with. Unfortunately he is unable to pronounce her name into his talk to text feature on his cell phone, so he hasn’t been able to Google search her and find his virginity. His Search continues.

Tom Brady:

Tom Brady, after being dumped made a bet with one of his friends that he could turn any girl into prom queen. His sexy blonde jock friend and his token black friend picked the nerdiest student they could find, some art student. After a few weeks of transforming her from nerd into cool kid- mostly just by cutting her hair, taking her glasses off and putting her in form fitting clothes- she ended up not winning prom queen. But she did learn about Tom’s bet and she left with the hot blonde jock. Tom learned about this and wasn’t to happy, so he raced to the hotel room they were staying in and busted down the door.

Unfortunately, she was not there. So he went to her house to wait for her to get home. When she got home they went into her nerd basement where she did all of her painting. This is when he put his penis into her vagina, numerous times.

I’ll keep working hard at uncovering the truth behind how people in the spotlight have lost their virginity.