I’m a big Tyson Fury guy. I love his antics, his personality, and the dude just fucking hits hard. But what I don’t love is this boxer cutting back so much on the number of times he jerks off a day leading up to the biggest fight of his career. Like I get that he… Continue reading

It’s pretty hard to shock me these days, having spent most of my time either on the internet or at the bar. I feel like I’ve seen everything there is to see. That is until this story came across my metaphorical desk. Twenty year old Demi was afraid to fly alone, so she did what… Continue reading

As someone who has been greatly effected by the banning of plastic bags, I absolutely love this story. Seeing as I don’t have the brain capacity to remember to bring bags with me, I’m always forced to spend a few bucks every shopping trip on bags. Meanwhile condoms are still totally legal, even after my… Continue reading

My lord, I knew there was in-breeding in the Amish community but holy shit. To end up looking like this it takes generations and generations of ONLY fucking your siblings. These four guys look like they were put together with spare parts. Now I love what they did. They got a little day drunk in… Continue reading

I’m going to open this up by letting you know I’ve never wrapped a gift before. Even back when I was just a little Scotchsquatch, wrapping gifts seemed tedious and time wasting. Everything always went in a gift bag. Well now I’ve got a niece and a nephew and I’ve been tasked with wrapping my… Continue reading

Women of California, your prayers have finally been answered as thousands and thousands of dick shaped fish washed upon the shore of Drakes Beach, California. These DickFish were found strewn about the beach like the living room in a sorority house where everyone got dumped all at once. Sure these dickfish that washed ashore can’t… Continue reading

I too have been dreaming of a white Christmas. Walmart has been getting some heat lately over a drug reference on a Santa sweater. This is especially shocking coming from Walmart, a store that has check out lines exclusively for people hopped up on bath salts where the aisle walls are padded. I mean, if… Continue reading

Dear Restaurants, Hello, how are you? I am well thank you. Great now that we’ve exchanged pleasantries I can be blunt; why the fuck have you stopped using plates? They make all different kinds of plates. Round. Square. Ribbed for her pleasure, probably. My point is this: no one wants to eat off whatever dumb… Continue reading

The esteemed Judge Carlisle Greaves was residing over a murder trial in the Bahamas when he was struck with sudden horniness. As someone who routinely suffers from chronic horniness, this is way too relatable. Let’s break this thing down so I can quickly prove to you folks (the jury) why the honorable Judge Carlisle didn’t… Continue reading

I feel like it’s my job, as the premiere social commenter to decide when things are done and when they’re just getting good. I’ve nailed the last few. I knew exactly when JNCO jeans stopped being cool, I just decided to wear them an extra year as a goof. And I nailed it when earrings… Continue reading