It’s pretty hard to shock me these days, having spent most of my time either on the internet or at the bar. I feel like I’ve seen everything there is to see. That is until this story came across my metaphorical desk.

Twenty year old Demi was afraid to fly alone, so she did what we’ve all done when tasked with that, she got shit faced. And just like everyone else when they get too drunk, the hornies hit. And in Demi’s case, the hornies hit fucking HARD.

Once shit faced, she was stumbling around the plane trying to find someone to plow down with her in the bathroom. And when no one would, she got aggressive. And rightfully so.

I don’t know about you, but my parents raised me better. When a pretty girl asks you to fuck her, you fuck her, especially if it’s in an airplane bathroom.

And ESPECIALLY when she looks like this:

🚨🚨Thats right folks, we’ve got a babe alert 🚨 🚨

I’ll be honest, I was not expecting her to look literally anything like this. I was for sure expecting a little more Rosie and a little less Gisele.

I am officially in love and not the fake kind of love like with the sweater model last month (although if you’re reading this, hey girl). She likes hitting the bottle. She travels. She doesn’t have high standards. She literally checks all my boxes.

Unfortunately my queen has been sentenced to six months in prison for drunken misconduct and physically assaulting five people during her drunken escapades.

Don’t fret though my queen, I’ll wait for you. I plan on spending the next six months trying to figure out how to write a letter to an English prison. Anyone know how many stamps it takes to go over the ocean?