What a fucking title right? First let me say that taunting the homeless or fucking with them is a terrible thing. And before you jump on the all police are bad wagon you should know that it was his fellow officers that turned him in and ultimately a fellow officer that fired him. Seriously though, who… Continue reading

I just read way too much of an article claiming that there are hidden advertisements all over the internet that are targeting young fatsos. I haven’t wanted to yell ‘who the fuck cares?’ so loudly in a long time. Every three commercials is for fast food. Wendy’s, Taco Bell, McDonalds, Burger King; whatever, I’m home… Continue reading

Is Cam Newton really that confused as to why the refs don’t care that he gets starched every play after the whistle? He looks like someone who works at the photography place in the mall that takes his job super seriously. Just take the picture, I don’t need to hear about how you’re adjusting the exposure. That art… Continue reading

There is nothing more devastating than losing a child, absolutely nothing. That being said, paying tribute to one is normally a beautiful way to remember your lost one forever. A tattoo on the arm maybe. Maybe on the back or chest. Maybe even on your thigh or calf- any one of these locations is acceptable.… Continue reading

This is a real struggle writing this because of all the brain cells I absolutely starched this weekend with a bender that I’m sure grossed a few people out. It all started with what was supposed to be a fun, relaxing visit with some friends in Virginia. This is my weekend as I best remember… Continue reading

CBS in an attempt to prove to their viewers how out of touch with reality they truly are just ordered a reality TV show based on the popular mobile game Candy Crush. Jesus Christ, that sentence hurt to type. As someone who is lousy with excellent television show ideas, this truly is painful. Not only… Continue reading

When I wake up. Yea, you know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the one that wakes up next to you. When I get drunk. When I get drunk. Yea, you know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the one that gets drunk next to you. When I haiver, whatever that means, you know I’m… Continue reading

Here comes a phone update, so formatting, spelling, and grammar can fuck right off. No one is as sick as I am right now. Ever. No one on the planet has ever been this sick. My stomach hurts pretty bad, probably worse than anyone’s stomach has ever hurt. And my allergies are bad. Also probably… Continue reading

Dear [Girls Name], I’m sorry. If you are reading this, which I doubt because I don’t think we exchanged last names, I’m sorry. Now that is only really half true. I’m sure you didn’t want me spending the night just as much as I didn’t want to spend the night. But I recently told the… Continue reading

A few days ago I wrote about how devastated I was that the Mac and Cheeto was no more. Well the Burger King himself must be reading my blog because they just announced that they were introducing Cheeto dusted chicken fries. While I will never fully be over the loss of the Mac and Cheeto,… Continue reading