This is a real struggle writing this because of all the brain cells I absolutely starched this weekend with a bender that I’m sure grossed a few people out. It all started with what was supposed to be a fun, relaxing visit with some friends in Virginia. This is my weekend as I best remember… Continue reading

CBS in an attempt to prove to their viewers how out of touch with reality they truly are just ordered a reality TV show based on the popular mobile game Candy Crush. Jesus Christ, that sentence hurt to type. As someone who is lousy with excellent television show ideas, this truly is painful. Not only… Continue reading

When I wake up. Yea, you know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the one that wakes up next to you. When I get drunk. When I get drunk. Yea, you know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the one that gets drunk next to you. When I haiver, whatever that means, you know I’m… Continue reading

Here comes a phone update, so formatting, spelling, and grammar can fuck right off. No one is as sick as I am right now. Ever. No one on the planet has ever been this sick. My stomach hurts pretty bad, probably worse than anyone’s stomach has ever hurt. And my allergies are bad. Also probably… Continue reading

Dear [Girls Name], I’m sorry. If you are reading this, which I doubt because I don’t think we exchanged last names, I’m sorry. Now that is only really half true. I’m sure you didn’t want me spending the night just as much as I didn’t want to spend the night. But I recently told the… Continue reading

A few days ago I wrote about how devastated I was that the Mac and Cheeto was no more. Well the Burger King himself must be reading my blog because they just announced that they were introducing Cheeto dusted chicken fries. While I will never fully be over the loss of the Mac and Cheeto,… Continue reading

Every now and then it’s fun to watch something burn to the ground. Now whether or not that’s a pile of wood safely put into a fire pit or your ex’s house determines what kind of person you are. No one chooses to be a jealous piece of shit asshole. But it happens. Shit happens.… Continue reading

All dating advice should be taken with a grain of salt… and followed with some tequila and lime. I haven’t been part of a healthy relationship in a solid few years, so what the fuck do I know? But I’m happy, or as happy as someone like me can be.   I want to start… Continue reading

There isn’t much more impressive than forgetting your own website exists. Jesus Christ, I’m a fucking idiot. I’ve been so preoccupied with finishing Love and Violence, which is now up for preorder I haven’t updated this in I’m sure months. Let’s see, what have I been up too…   In my quest to get slightly… Continue reading

I love the fourth of July. It’s an incredibly gluttonous holiday and I am a lover of gluttony in all forms (drinking, drugs, and food). Also, America is great, so we should celebrate.   I celebrated the only way that I know how, by going on an absolute bender the past six days. This led… Continue reading