A few days ago I wrote about how devastated I was that the Mac and Cheeto was no more. Well the Burger King himself must be reading my blog because they just announced that they were introducing Cheeto dusted chicken fries. While I will never fully be over the loss of the Mac and Cheeto, I welcome this new Cheeto dusted fast foot item into my mouth and heart. I can’t wait to be hungover/drunk enough in the morning to think that eating this is a good idea so I can give it a try. Thank you to Ellen and Rashley for tagging me in the article announcing this new culinary creation. I’m forever in your debt.

Artery clogging garbage aside, I just went over the new proof of Love and Violence and there were a few things that needed to be changed so it doesn’t look like a Yugoslavian rape pamphlet. So the books release is going to be pushed back a little bit (hopefully my agent and publisher don’t actually read this). For now you can still buy the Kindle version through Amazon, which I greatly appreciate.

Russia announced its ban on the popular jerk off site Pornhub, crushing what little hope the Russian people have for happiness. Jesus Christ, as if living in cold and miserable Russia wasn’t bad enough they take away the greatest masturbatory aid since spying on your sisters friend in her bathing suit. At least the Russians still have their Billy Joel cassettes and acid wash jeans to keep themselves busy. Pray for Russia.

People are still having their dicks and assholes blown off by the new Samsung phone. Unfortunately the headlines haven’t been reading like that, but they really should. Where do you keep your cell phone? I keep mine either in my left pocket- roughly three to four inches from my dick OR in my back left pocket- roughly three to four inches from my asshole. What a time to be alive. I choose to believe it’s only happening to the people who leave shitty Youtube comments. This is the phones way of revenge for being subjected to those Dorito coated fingers. Good for you phone, good for you.