ScotchSquatch

Here comes a phone update, so formatting, spelling, and grammar can fuck right off. No one is as sick as I am right now. Ever. No one on the planet has ever been this sick. My stomach hurts pretty bad, probably worse than anyone’s stomach has ever hurt. And my allergies are bad. Also probably Continue reading

Dear [Girls Name], I’m sorry. If you are reading this, which I doubt because I don’t think we exchanged last names, I’m sorry. Now that is only really half true. I’m sure you didn’t want me spending the night just as much as I didn’t want to spend the night. But I recently told the Continue reading

A few days ago I wrote about how devastated I was that the Mac and Cheeto was no more. Well the Burger King himself must be reading my blog because they just announced that they were introducing Cheeto dusted chicken fries. While I will never fully be over the loss of the Mac and Cheeto, Continue reading

Every now and then it’s fun to watch something burn to the ground. Now whether or not that’s a pile of wood safely put into a fire pit or your ex’s house determines what kind of person you are. No one chooses to be a jealous piece of shit asshole. But it happens. Shit happens. Continue reading

All dating advice should be taken with a grain of salt… and followed with some tequila and lime. I haven’t been part of a healthy relationship in a solid few years, so what the fuck do I know? But I’m happy, or as happy as someone like me can be.   I want to start Continue reading

There isn’t much more impressive than forgetting your own website exists. Jesus Christ, I’m a fucking idiot. I’ve been so preoccupied with finishing Love and Violence, which is now up for preorder I haven’t updated this in I’m sure months. Let’s see, what have I been up too…   In my quest to get slightly Continue reading

I love the fourth of July. It’s an incredibly gluttonous holiday and I am a lover of gluttony in all forms (drinking, drugs, and food). Also, America is great, so we should celebrate.   I celebrated the only way that I know how, by going on an absolute bender the past six days. This led Continue reading

I’m writing this on my phone so the formatting might not be great but whatever It is slightly passed 1pm on Sunday morning and I’m still in bed with zero chance of getting up any time soon. I fear for a few hours in the future when the vodka is no longer in my system Continue reading

There is nothing more rage-inciting than not being able to write. Having nothing to put on the page makes me want to throw the computer through a window. I won’t. Mostly because it’s not my computer that I normally write on. Also, I can’t afford to replace a window, so there is that.   I Continue reading

I’ve always had this thought, or fucked up idea, that one day I would rent a cement truck and dump a giant pile of cement in front of someone’s driveway. Obviously someone I didn’t like. I always thought-how loud could a cement truck be? If the person is a heavy sleeper they could probably get Continue reading