ScotchSquatch

So for the past few months there has been a mysterious pile of human shit popping up near the track and football field of Holmdel High School. I guess for some reason it started to bother some of the students, so they spoke up and raised concerns to the staff of the school, who then Continue reading

So I’m going to start off with a quick apology that I haven’t been updating this as frequently as I used too. Things have been crazy with the new book. Also, I went on a vacation. But honestly, I really deserved it. I deserve another one too if someone is willing to pay to send Continue reading

So today I took a huge step. And then another huge step. And then about 75 more huge steps. Listen, I take a lot of huge steps, it’s part of being so tall. Anyway, I signed up for the gym today. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not in great shape. Sure I’m Continue reading

Welcome to Thought City™ [Thought City is what I call my brain when my thoughts get real hot.] You know how there are somethings that you know- you know, but you might not really know? If not, maybe you don’t smoke enough weed. Anyway, I know-I know tons of things. Literally tons of things. If Continue reading

Without his consent. First let me preface this by saying I have the upmost respect for anyone who has the bravery, physical and mental toughness to join any branch of the service. Saying I have about 10% of what they have in all those areas is probably me way over estimating myself, which I’ve been Continue reading

There are a million dating sites out there. And none of them give you even the smallest inkling of advice as to how to go about the first date. That’s like a coach telling you the pitcher has one really bad pitch that you can easily hit, but not telling you what that pitch is. Continue reading

What a wild ride it’s been for Philadelphia fans. And honestly, it couldn’t have happened to a better group of loyal, relentlessly devoted, scumbag-assholes on the planet. Sure, maybe that sounds a bit harsh because I’m bitter that my dog shit team couldn’t muster together 4 wins, but also because Philly fans took a break Continue reading

I’ll be totally honest, I was way too hyped about these coming out because there is a Taco Bell so close to my house I could walk there if I wasn’t incredibly lazy and didn’t have a car. Also, I eat Taco Bell at least once every few days. It’s how I stay so incredibly Continue reading

This was a weekend filled with exciting football. Let’s jump right into it. Gronkowski bonked his head again, which is no surprise to anyone since he uses it as the weapon it was intended to be. Here’s a picture of his lifeless body, is he concussed or taking a nap? No one knows, not even Continue reading