Introduction To My How To Blogs: Things I Know I Know: Welcome To Thought City™

Welcome to Thought City™

[Thought City is what I call my brain when my thoughts get real hot.]

You know how there are somethings that you know- you know, but you might not really know? If not, maybe you don’t smoke enough weed. Anyway, I know-I know tons of things. Literally tons of things. If I wrote down everything I know-I know, I’d fill a library full of books. But I don’t have enough time or patience for that. And I’m also incredibly lazy, so I’m going to just start a HOW TO section on my website. I capitalized that because when you read it, I want you to hear my voice yelling it at you. And if you don’t know what my voice sounds like, just watch Smokey and The Bandit. I sound just like Sally Fields.

Here is something I know- I know: llamas and alpacas are the same thing. Close your eyes and picture a llama… Now picture an alpaca… Did what you were imagining change? If you say yes you’re a liar or an animal nerd. Don’t be an animal nerd. And I hate liars. I don’t care what animal people or the internet searches yield, those two animals are exactly the same. Here’s a quick illustration of a llama and a alpaca:

[Side Note: I’m only giving myself one chance to draw these, no corrections allowed. I always draw from the heart, like Picasso or Charles Manson.]

Look at that, these practically look the same. Want to know how similar they are? I actually labeled them backwards. The one on the left is a llama, the one on the right is a alpaca.

Writing “a alpaca” made me laugh way more than it should have.

This next one is pretty dark, so I’ve been squatting on this hot take for a while, but here it goes. If I was in charge public relations for the Nazis during the time of WWII, I would have renamed the SS. I mean, the SS just sounds way too scary. I don’t know why, it just does. The Nazis were getting plenty of bad publicity back then, and rightfully so. I would have helped take the heat off of them by renaming their secret police Knights of the Holocaust. I mean, that name is just straight fire. Everybody loved King Arthur’s Knights of the Round Table. Loved them. They were revered. I’m just saying, the Nazis were and still are bad people, but if I was their PR guy, with my thought city, I could have made them slightly more likable. That’s something I know-I know.

Here is something else I know-I know, Johnny Castle and Fonzie were fucking scumbags:

Here’s a picture of Fonzie easily in his late 20’s, surrounded by high school girls. And directly to the right of that is Johnny Castle, getting ready to dick down a 17 year old Frances Houseman. Fonzie was taken in by the Cunningham’s, probably because he was on the lamb for statutory rape in some other state, only to bully the shit out of that little cuck Richie Cunningham. Fonzie terrorized that entire school, riding his Harley wherever he wanted, fucking everyone’s girlfriend and beating up the preppy kids. Here’s a wake up call Fonzie, you’re old enough to teach there, maybe stop fucking all the students. As for Johnny Castle, which by the way, is the most preposterous name of all time, I’m pretty sure he teachers water aerobics at Kellerman’s to old people who routinely shit in the pool.

I know-I know that UGGS look like dog shit. Well sometimes. Everything looks good sometimes. So I guess I just sort of know- I know that UGGS look like dog shit.

I think that’s a good spot to end this.

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