So for the past few months there has been a mysterious pile of human shit popping up near the track and football field of Holmdel High School. I guess for some reason it started to bother some of the students, so they spoke up and raised concerns to the staff of the school, who then launched a full investigation.

So while most schools are trying to scrape together whatever money they can find to get new computers or whatever, the people of Holmdel decide to launch what I’m sure was a multimillion dollar CSI style investigation… over a couple of turds.

First of all, what kind of loser tells a teacher they found poop and raises this kind of stink about it? Probably some Jessie Spano type nerd.

Spoiler alert you Jessie Spano wannabe, things didn’t go great for her:

Imagine the horror this guy must feel. There he is running the track before school, trying to get all his steps in, and then boom, diarrhea strikes. Imagine how embarrassed he was? And then for this to happen another dozen or so times over the next few months. This poor guy. As someone who has had to shit in an open field before, I feel you’re pain. I know just how hard (but soft) it really is.

If anyone wants to teach me how to do a Go Fund Me, I’d love to help pay for his bail.

xoxo