The Real Reason The Eagles Won’t Be At The Whitehouse

Since football has existed (maybe?) the team who wins the Super Bowl has gone to the Whitehouse to hang out, eat dinner, and drop piss bombs from a drone on third world countries. For the first time that I can remember (probably?) that won’t be happening. A lot of people are wondering why. Some blame Trump for uninviting them because they only got 10 yes RSVP’s back. Some people are blaming the Eagles because they have so many guys on house arrest and they can’t go more than 5 miles from home and work.

Either way, lot of people to blame, everyone blames someone else. I’m here, as always, to help guide you guys into who’s right and who’s wrong here. I feel like I maybe used the wrong who’s. Maybe. Whatever. A lot of people think it’s because the Eagles don’t agree with some of Trumps policy. But after speaking with some sources I have close to the team (my Aunt is cheating on my Uncle with Doug Pederson’s pool boy. And the word on the street is the Eagles cancelled because there wasn’t cheesesteak and horse shit on their menu, and that’s all the Fulladelpheyuh Iggles eat.

The end.


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