I have been absolutely dreading this one. To be honest I wanted to avoid it totally, being that Burger King is the shittiest and trashiest of all the fast food places. It’s a bastion of greasiness and donkey meat. But after being sent this picture a dozen or so time, I knew I had to give them a whirl:

Doesn’t look that bad. I mean, I’ve had a Whopper before, and while they aren’t my favorite I’ve definitely eaten worse. I mean, how can you fuck up a taco? Beef, lettuce, cheese, and some type of sauce. That’s it. Like I said, how bad can you fuck up a taco…

What. The. Fuck. Is. That.

This is a joke right? Nothing can actually look that bad. As I stood there, in disbelief of what I was actually looking at, it dawned on me that I’d have to at least take a bite. Without taking a bite I really couldn’t write about it. So I did the unthinkable. I picked up that pile of shit you’re looking at right now and shoved it in my mouth and chewed.

And chewed.

And chewed.

Have you ever eaten fast food and thought to yourself, this was probably made like four hours ago? I know I have a few times. This was different though. This tasted like maybe it wasn’t made in the same calendar year. I think I may have taken a bite out of the first Burger King taco ever made. Holy shit it was bad. I had to see what was on the inside.

Oh I found the problem. Someone ate this one already.

Someone clearly ate this one then shit it back into the taco. Then they ate the shit taco again and shit it into this exact taco shell. Then they let it sit out in the sun overnight before the Burger King maître d put it in my bag and sent me off to go fuck myself.

I have never been disrespected so hard in my entire life. I’m a TasteMaker for christs sake, you can’t serve me this shit! You shouldn’t serve anyone this shit, let alone me, a TasteMaker. If I wasn’t too high to drive I’d go there and tell them how upset I am with them. How the $1 price tag on this taco was about 11 times too high and to explain to their manager how I deserve a key to the store for when this 3am diarrhea storm hits me. This deserves to be on their property. The blood (poops) needs to be on their hands (toilets and floor).

I give this nothing. No rating. No numbers. No stars. If someone gives you one of these you throw it in the fucking toilet.

We need to overthrow the Burger King. Viva La Revolucion!