The Great Taco Bell Take Down


No one loves Taco Bell more than I do. It’s been the only real constant in my life thus far, and at one point, I would have done anything for Taco Bell. I’ve even gone as far as to publicly bash its competitors.

Now, a few days ago I Door Dashed some taco bell, like I usually do when battling a severe hangover, as my body relies on frozen Baja Blasts as an essential vitamin. I got my usual order. Two Crunchwrap Supremes with the addition of Creamy Jalapeno sauce (that delicious spicy sauce on the quesadilla- get it on everything, it’s a revelation).

I sat patiently, as my head pounded at a steady pace. As if the one armed drummer from Def Leppard was banging on my cranium as revenge for all the jokes I’ve made at his expense. The food arrived a prompt 25 minutes later.

I blasted my straw through the perforated hole in my Frozen Baja Blasts cup and threw the straw in my mouth and sucked until my head hurt. That’s when I ripped the bag open and pulled it out faster than I did on prom night. I unwrapped my circlular-ish shaped lil piece of heaven. Placed in back down gently on the wrapping paper. I grabbed some fire sauce and squirted all over, just like I did on prom night, most of it getting where it needed too. I grabbed my crunchwrap and dipped the edge and took a big bite…

No crunch.


I took another bite. Once again, no crunch.

I put it back down and unwrapped it. They forgot to put the crunch part in. How on earth does that happen? And more importantly, why would this happen to me?

Devastated, I grabbed the other one and unwrapped it, ripping the burnt side wide open and once again, NO FUCKING SHELL.

Was this some kind of joke? Was Astchum Kitcher gonna jump out of my coat closet and tell me I’ve been Prunk’d?

Well he didn’t. And I wasn’t.

I guess God just hates me. Which makes, sense, I’ve seen the signs.

So I’ve been tweeting this to taco bell every day. This picture, a picture that would not be possible if it there WAS THE CRUNCH PART OF MY CRUNCHWRAP SUPREME.

So to say I’m mad might be the understatement of a lifetime. I’m inconsolable. I’m an actual nightmare to be around.

This entry was posted in Steve. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s