R.I.P. Larry “The Cable Guy” King

Heaven gained another angel this morning, as Larry “The Cable Guy” King finally got-er-done. Pictured here with lifelong friend and business partner Whiz Kuhleefa.

Larry is most famous for a comedy career that has spanned three decades, countless countries, and hundreds of thousands of grainy TVs in trailer parks across America. Known for wearing denim shorts and cut off flannel, Larry has also been on the big screen, starring in some cinematic masterpieces like Witless Protection and Delta Farce.

While the cause of death is yet to be determined, we here in the Scotchsquatch newsroom speculate that there was probably foul play. The family seeks no investigation though, in hopes to just be done with him as they’ve grown tired of his made up stories and pretend accent.

“He was unbearable to be around.” His wife told the media this afternoon, “I was sick and tired of being told I might be a redneck. We live in Los Angeles. He drives an electric BMW.”

“One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

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