Every once and a while I come across a story (shout of to Krista for tagging me in this one) that just seems far too good to be true. This woman has been seen shitting numerous times in front of different homes in the neighborhood while out on her daily jogs. People have begun putting up signs that say, “This walkway is not your toilet.”

Now, I realize that I am often the voice of reason, coming to the defense of people who need it most and let me tell you, this woman needs my defense. As someone who also battles with an inability to hold their shit in paired with the fact that I probably drink too much, I too often diarrhea places I’m probably not supposed to. This woman deserves our help, not a warrant. She is brave enough to leave the house every single day in order to keep that body looking tight knowing full well she’ll probably diarrhea on someones driveway. She’s a hero not a criminal. We should all be raising our daughters to have the confidence and courage to shit when and wherever you need to.

This isn’t Germany in the 1940’s. This is America in 2017. Land of the free. Home of the brave. I believe people are born with inalienable rights. One of those inalienable rights is that when you’ve gotta shit, you’ve gotta shit. We’ve all been there. We’ve all eaten Taco Bell at two in the morning. For these stuck up people living in this town to persecute this woman for not being able to contain her bowels is inexcusable. What’s next, are they going to make her stitch a poop emoji to her chest?

So please poop lady, get in touch with me through the contact page on this website. I don’t have much money but what I do have is a very special set of skills. Skills that make orgasms pretty easy to come by. Seriously though, I think you might be my soulmate, so please, reach out.