It’s the day before the Super Bowl, so let’s get started.

Without looking at their records or stats for the year this matchup has the feel of an older, much larger brother getting ready to beat the shit out of his kid brother for even thinking he’s allowed to play the same game. Tom Brady literally has more experience in the Super Bowl than the entire Falcon’s franchise. But don’t let that fool you, Matty Ryan has an electric offense anchored by stud wide receiver Julio Jones. I think he’s gonna have a big game. Easy hundred yards and a touchdown or two. I’ve got the Falcons by 10 points.

I shit on Tim Tebow a lot, probably far too much. But the man deserves some respect for this move right here:

Most people waste their time on shitty chips while they shovel delicious guacamole into their big fat mouths. Tim Tebow is changing the game. Yea, he’s a virgin loser, but sometimes even virgin losers give us great things (shout out to Steve Jobs). Next time I’m at a party and someone puts out a nice bowl of guacamole I’m walking right to their spoons, grabbing a big one and eating it like it’s soup.

Also, a little side note: If I’m sitting down on your couch and you have an ottoman and you put a bag of chips on the ottoman next to my feet, I’m gonna put my foot in the bag once. Maybe twice. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. I’m not proud of it, but it’s going to happen.

This is super off topic but I really hate chopsticks. And don’t take that as me whining because I don’t know how to use them, I CAN use them just fine. I don’t use them because if you’re a white person who eats with chopsticks you look like an asshole. Grab your sushi with your hand like a man. I’m not eating with sticks. I’m an adult human.