It’s Food Review Time: Charcuterie Board Season: Alter Bread Crackers

Charcuterie boards are all the buzz right now. I am seeing them everywhere. And with the exception of a few they all tend to look the same. Same few meats, same few cheeses, and pretty much all the same bread and crackers. Sure I love the meat and cheese, and they’re important, but the bread or crackers are just as important. So, I have decided I’m going to find the best bread/cracker for a charcuterie board.

Knowing this was going to be quite the undertaking I decided to do it one cracker at a time and to really put each one through the gauntlet. I know it’s going to be a long and tough journey, but as a tastemaker and food reviewing icon, this is the cross I bear.

So I hopped on Amazon, searched ‘bread and crackers’ and sorted by price.

So the first crackers up are something called Alter Bread crackers. These ones just spoke to me, as if there was some sort of intervention. They were $10 for a very small box of them. My expectations were very high. Here they are:

I’ve never heard of the company Cavanagh, sounds Irish maybe, whatever, I’ve got a little Irish in me. So I unpacked them from the box and laid them out with the rest of my first charcuterie board. Please don’t pass judgement guys, it’s my first one.

Holy moly that’s a good looking charcuterie board! I went with a spicy sopresetta, a regular salami, Vermont cheddar, and pepper jack. A little bit of everything. I know, mostly spicy stuff, but I love the heat. The cracker was perforated with a lower case “t” right in the middle of it so you can adjust it to the size of your meat/cheese. I can’t imagine any other cracker or bread being that accommodating, but I don’t want to prematurely give this one the crown. Although I think it’s gonna be hard for anyone to nail it better than this one.

First, I had to try one without any meat or cheese. It’s gotta stand up to the test of being the only thing left on the board and still being eaten. I took a bite and the first thing I noticed were no crumbs! Is this the first crumb-less cracker?

Let’s see how it holds up with the meats and cheeses.

Here we have our Alter Bread cracker, some Vermont cheddar, salami, and a balsamic glaze. The cracker was soft and crispy, which in the cracker world is totally unheard of. It’s almost like it’s from out of this world. Almost like it’s not actually a cracker, but made of something entirely different. It played well with the meat, cheese, and the vinegar.

Next up I paired the Alter Bread cracker with my spicy sopresetta, some pepper jack cheese, and a little dollop of whole grain mustard. DELICIOUS! I gotta tell ya, these crackers are the real deal. Thou shalt have no other crackers.

I kept going, mixing and matching my meats and cheese with this delicious Alter Bread cracker with no combination left behind. And let me tell you, it’s so good it’ll make you drop down to your knees and give thanks.

With each combination, I felt my spirits lifting to levels I didn’t know were possible. Of all the food I’ve reviewed, this one is at the very top of them, garnering a 10.69 out of a possible 11. That’s some seriously high praise.

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