Rock Bottomed through the Resolute Desk

I’m going to start this off by saying I’m a big fan of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. When I was a kid I loved him as a wrestler and as an adult I’m still a fan of him as an action star. What I’m not a fan of is the phrase, President Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.

In a recent article with Business Insider The Rock said he’s always thought of becoming president. He claims that with the most recent election, anything is possible. And he believes he could make some seriously positive changes in the world.

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

When I started writing this I thought I was going to end up mocking him, but after thirty seconds of typing I now think that it’s a terrific idea.

Imagine a president that could actually beat people up for disagreeing with him. I don’t think we’ve had that since Teddy Roosevelt. Think about it, say congress vetoes one of his policies: here comes the people’s fucking elbow right from across the aisle.

I bet the debates would do quite different as well. No one is going to call him unqualified to his face. He’s like 6’5″ and three hundred pounds of muscle, no sixty five year old career politician is going to talk shit while face to face with a Samoan monster.


It would be kind of funny to see how he ages in the eight years of his presidency. Barack went grey, Bush 2 went from salt and pepper to white, Clinton didn’t age because he had a presidency filled with orgasms- but besides that, the office ages you quite a bit. And I say eight years confidently. Do you want to be the one to tell this guy he has to leave before he’s ready? I’m not trying to get rock bottomed through the Resolute Desk.

I would absolutely be willing to break my 29 year streak of never voting to get this man in office.


Also, my photo editing skills are fucking electric.

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