The economy is in a bit of a slump right now with the temporary closing of businesses due to the Corona Virus, so what better time to announce my latest, and for sure greatest business venture yet.

I’ve recently procured a few ghosts, six of which, are extremely mean. The other two, are just a couple of goofballs. And after learning that one of my friends girlfriends just started giving other people blowjobs, I decided what better time to launch this new business.

Imagine you’re him, and you find out your girlfriend is just eating a bunch of other dicks. You can’t really go and see her and give her-her comeuppance, as she probably caught the Corona virus from one of the many dicks she’s sucked on. So what are you going to do?

For $49.99 I can drop off my ghosts right outside her house and we can let the haunting begin! Once they’ve been dropped off, they will do as much haunting in 24 hours as they possibly can. After the 24 hours is up you’ve got the opportunity to re-up for a measly $25! What a bargain! That’s 48 hours of ghosting folks.

Some of the things my ghosts are capable of:

• Making spooky floor creek sounds
• Appearing in mirrors and windows
• Shape shifting into the form of a lost relative, only to shape shift into the devil to freak them out real bad
• Ghostly ooohs and boos
• Have a ‘Ghosts of Christmas future’ moment where my ghosts will get this person to dramatically change the direction of their life, for worse obviously
• Steal random socks out of the dryer
• Immaculate conceptions
• Make your curtains move even though your window is closed
• Eating your roommates leftovers

And practically anything else you can dream up, I can teach these ghosts to do. Please help me get this business off the ground, I’m getting really close to the age I was hoping to be retired by. And I’ve just got a couple more dollars to go before I hit my mark.