I know, I am as nervous as you folks are about the supreme leader of North Korea. Apparently the other day he had some kind of surgery, I believe it was to finally shrink his penis down to a more manageable 10 inches, when something went awry.

When I think of Jim Kong I don’t think about him killing his people with bullets meant to take down airplanes, or starving an entire nation. I think of this:

Just a cute, cherub faced, North Korean boy, unfairly thrust into leadership because his old man died. I mean, look at that smile. How can that be the smile of a man who had his brother poisoned to death at an airport? That’s the smile of a guy who likes pot stickers and hanging with the boys at TGIFridays.

Kin Jomg loves a lot of things. Like playing basketball and maybe murdering journalists. Here he is with his favorite basketball player, and most trusted confidant, Dennis Rodman.

Dennis, known in America for rebounding, his intelligence and good decision making, has been helping Kim Chi adjust to life in the spotlight. Some people say he’s doing a great job. Other people however, call him the R word. I won’t though, because I know that language is frowned upon. It’s called being the bigger man, look it up.

Anyway, so he’s sick. Maybe dying. Which would be heartbreaking to the people of North Korea, who clearly love him. Here’s a picture I found of him in one of my North Korean Leader scrapbooks. He’s posing with a random happy North Korean family.

Look how happy they look! They don’t look scared or anything. And there probably isn’t a bazooka pointed at them just off camera. Just a leader and his people. A photo like this could really inspire a nation to rally behind Kom Jing. Which could be just what he needs to recover from this surgery and live to spread more joy throughout his land.