Plane Crashes, Farts, Explosions… The Dark Side Of Gender Reveal Parties: An Investigative Report

I feel like it’s my job, as the premiere social commenter to decide when things are done and when they’re just getting good. I’ve nailed the last few. I knew exactly when JNCO jeans stopped being cool, I just decided to wear them an extra year as a goof. And I nailed it when earrings stopped being cool for guys, although I do think I had the gay ear pierced (left?). And I’m gonna nail it with gender reveal parties, because they are… JUST GETTING GOOD.

Listen folks it’s 2019, let’s start taking these gender reveals to the next level. Let’s maybe get some wildlife involved. Let’s involve a gun or some other kind of fun weapon. Maybe let a wild Alpaca eat some kind of food dye, then everyone at the party gets a gun and they shoot the fuck out of the innocent animal until it’s dyed insides spill out in the backyard. Honestly, whatever it takes for that perfect Instagram boomerang.

Now I know that sounds insane, until you look at all the other dumb shit people have done in the name of social media likes. In October an Iowa woman was killed when her family accidentally built a pipe bomb loaded with colored powder. Wild right? Speaking of wild, a little over a year ago a 47,000 acre wildfire was started when a father to be shot an explosive target full of blue powder. Congrats on the boy sir, I hope he visits you from jail.

Listen, is the pilot dead? Maybe. Did anyone else get hurt? Who cares. Did you destroy miles and miles of wildlife? Probably. Did your gender reveal party beat the shit out of that bitch Samantha’s gender reveal party that you work with? Yup! And that’s all that matters folks. Is asserting your dominance over other people, and really rubbing in their face that you’re better than they are.

And just a friendly reminder folks, you can’t go wrong with a fart reveal.

See that little hint of blue smoke that plumed out of the mother to be’s asshole? Smells like it’s gonna be a boy.

Not sure if this happy grandfather to be aided with the application or the removal of whatever substance made this mother of the year fart blue, but either way congratulations on the baby boy!

This entry was posted in Steve. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s