Next time you’re having a rough day, remember the hell Heidi went through that one fateful day while she perused the Hollywood walk of fame. There she was, just minding her own business, taking pictures of Drew Carey’s star and handprints when SPLAT! Hot diarrhea right to the face. It’s a tale as old as time really.

So let’s break this down piece by piece, log by log.

Let’s start with the temperature of said diarrhea. Diarrhea should never be hot. Luke warm, sure, as it should be around your body’s natural temperature. But hot? There must be something wrong with this poor guy, as a good Catholic, I’ll pray for him.

The amount is sort of troubling too, as Heidi claims the EMT told her it was probably a months worth. Let’s get real for a second. A months worth of diarrhea isn’t fitting into a bucket. A months worth of diarrhea from a homeless dude is probably at least filling a Toyota Corolla, maybe even a Camry. Think about how much garbage he probably eats.

What a good little saver, hoarding all that diarrhea, saving it up for a special occasion. If this guy took half the initiative he used for Operation Diarrhea Bucket to do something productive, he’d probably be the kingpin of a drug empire by now. Or at the very least he’d have given enough blowjobs to afford a hotel room for the night.

I also love how she says the paramedics “treated her”. Spraying her with a hose to wash off the diarrhea really isn’t “treating” someone. I did the same thing to my dog when he used to get muddy in the backyard. I’d chase him around with a hose laughing. Which is I’m sure exactly what happened to shitty Heidi until the hose water warmed up.