It’s been a while since my last poop related blog, and this one is a real doozie.

OK, you’ve got my attention, go on…

OK…

My god.

Imagine shitting so hard that your brain also takes a shit? Wild! Once again, another reason that I’m extremely grateful for having had diarrhea since seventh grade. I haven’t had to push a shit out since Slick Willy was still dipping his cigars in the Oval Office.

How dumb do you have to be to push that hard? Sure, being constipated is probably really shitty, but I mean, just get off the toilet and go plop down on the couch for a little bit until it’s worked its way down. I don’t know much about human biology or how the human body works even at a basic level, but from a common sense standpoint if you just keep eating eventually it’ll push it’s way out. That’s just science.

Here is a quick diagram of my logic:

So here we have a full bucket of poops. As you can see it’s totally filled with poops. Now that it’s full every time stuff goes in, poops come out. Because I’m dumb I forgot to draw food on the top part, instead I drew poops. Please don’t focus on that. Please don’t eat poops.

Anyway, this illustration proves my theory, that when something gets too full, stuff gets forced out, a constipation of mass if you will. I think I just disproved the theory of constipation. In my next blog I think I’ll take on gravity or dinosaurs. I don’t want to say I nailed that, but I mean, all evidence points towards me nailing it.