Holy shit does it feel good having college football actually back. As I sit here and hen peck away at the keyboard Notre Dame is currently wiping their greasy little Irish dicks all over Michigan. I’ve got the over at 46.5 and right now I think it’s at like 31 points, so we’re on track. I’ve got high hopes that Jim Harborough (yea, I’m not even really gonna try and spell his last name) is going to give the speech Al Pacino gives in Any Given Sunday that gets me so hyped I could run through a brick wall.

If I was a coach I’d just have the Hearts on Fire montage from Rocky IV playing on a giant television in the lock room. That song gives my goosebumps goosebumps and makes me an unstoppable weapon of a human being. And by that I mean it makes me very aggressive while I lay on the couch drinking a La Croix Pamplemousse seltzer I mean whisky.

And then everyone stopped trying…

Nothing is going right in this game, it’s third down and Michigan, who is losing, keeps running the ball. Throw a pass man, it’s third down and you’re losing. Jim Harrrrbrough is sort of a dipshit. And his pants always look way too big. Like he doesn’t have time for shopping so he just walks in and grabs the first pair of pants he sees. And he buys them at KMart so he’s usually in the husky section. People don’t realize that the husky section was always closest to the door. That was so the fatties wouldn’t have to walk very far. Thus perpetuating the fatness. I don’t know if that’s true or not, I just wanted to make a few quick fat jokes.

Still 24 to 10, Notre Dame, fourth quarter, need some points real bad. Two touchdowns, I’m not asking for a lot. If Jim Harrrrrrrrrborouuugh could call some better plays, like maybe stop doing draw plays on 3rd and 9. Just call a passing play, one time for me.

Michigan really shit the bed on this one. And then they rolled around in it. Michigan is dogshit.