In a recent press release PornHub has announced that it will be adding a closed captions feature to all of their videos. This is great for so many reasons. I am all about making life easier for people who are hearing impaired.

Imagine not knowing what Riley Reid is yelling while getting double stuffed by two record producers who were playing their music too loud? That’s not the life I want, and that’s not the life I want for other people. Everyone deserves to know what Riley Reid is shouting. Or imagine not knowing what disrespectful thing the guy holding the camera on the Bang Bus was saying? What a tragedy. And not knowing her reaction when they throw her purse in the lake for no reason after the sex scene? Tragedy at it’s finest.

So PornHub, here is what I’m willing to do. I’m willing to sit by and watch all of your premium footage and type out everything. Literally everything. I don’t have many skills, but one skill I absolutely have is the ability to sit down and watched hours and hours of pornography while remaining laser focused. I won’t even just type out the dialogue, I can do sounds too. Like gagging, choking, throating, wailing, gasping, any kind of screams or yells, pounding, slapping, throbbing, groaning, hell- even farts. You just let me know PornHub, I’m here to help.

Also, I’m willing to do whatever research you need to help develop a braille PornHub for people who lack the ability to see things.