In my lifelong quest to remain young and beautiful forever I’ve decided to do a charcoal mask.

Listen, I get it, my beauty will eventually fade. I’m no spring chicken, I’m every bit of 31 years old. I’m no longer that wide eyed young buck you guys came to know and love. So, I’ve decided maybe I should take some steps towards maintaining my beauty. Also, my roommates girlfriend asked me if I wanted to do one with her.

Mary Kay, no big deal. Nothing but the best for this face.

Let’s get a pre-charcoal shot:

Looking like an absolute snack today even though I didn’t comb my hair after I showered.

So I dumped a big old squirt of this charcoal paste into my big dumb hand and got spreading. Immediately I had trouble as I didn’t think to get in front of a mirror. Luckily my roommates girlfriend was there to lend me her hair thing to keep my locks out of the paste and also to paint my face.

Things were going well up until this point. The paint was still wet and it hadn’t begun to freak me out yet.

Minutes later the wheels had totally fallen off. The paint had begun to harden and it freaked me out real bad. It felt like my skin was going to crack off. Feelings of regret began rooting themselves deep within me. Also, I had an itch on my nose.

Now there’s a little empty spot on my nose. Also, there’s shit on my finger again. God damn’t. Whatever, it’s been twenty minutes, I can now begin the washing process.

Instant regret. This feels disgusting. Like there’s some kind of mud paste on my face. I hate life while I scrub like an idiot and yell/ask my roommates girlfriend if my face is clean yet. I just want this to be over. It took five minutes and me having to clean my eye twice but I was finally done, and my god, it worked!

I give the Mary Kay charcoal mask an 8 out of 11.