The Flu Isn’t The Only Thing To Come Early This Year

So I got the flu a little earlier than I hoped I would this year. I was really trying to hold out until May so I’d still have the weight off for bathing suit season. Oh well, here’s to hoping I get a real nasty stomach bug come spring time.

Honestly though, this might not even be the flu. I haven’t had a drink in about four or five days. So this very well could be my body rebelling against the lack of alcohol in my system. As soon as I’ve got the strength I’ll make my way downstairs to dump some booze down my throat. But for now I’ll lay in bed, shivering and sweating as I stare at a bottle of empty bedroom booze wondering “what could have been…”

Actually, I think I might actually be sick. I haven’t gambled in days, I haven’t sent any pictures of my genitalia to my friends (SIDE NOTE: I tried to spell ‘genitalia’ four times before I had to push the talk to text button and yell it into my phone), and last but certainly not least I haven’t made love in quite some time… not even to my hand. It’s a sad, sad day in the Scotchsquatch’s lair.

Anyway, send nudes my way to help me defeat the flu. Love you guys.

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