As most of you by now have read, I tried Chipolte for the first time last week and while I gave it a pretty good review, I really hammered home the disrespect I felt by them not offering me any cheese, it was my first visit after all. Well the loyal readers of The Scotchsquatch must be pretty heated about the disrespect I received and they’ve lashed out. Numbers are down for Chipolte.

Sure it says it’s because of “Food Scares” but what are they going to say, “We’ve been taken down a few pegs by a drunken blogger”? That’s not a good look for them. I’d like to offer up an olive branch to the people of Chipolte, as I’m a man of fairness and decency. Give me a free slop bowl, this time with cheese, and I will call off the hounds. If you do this, we will be totally cool. If you do not do this, we will be mortal enemies. And trust me, you don’t want to have the Scotchsquatch running wild on the internet.

The ball is in your court, Chipolte.

So this picture went pretty viral this week:

Apparently this little kid had been opening up his drawer and pissing in it every night. Pretty solid move on his part, he’s obviously wise beyond his years. I mean, think about it. He’s not going to have to clean it. That’s what parents are for. And if he’s anything like me and he counts his steps, he knows you’re not supposed to go over whatever your goal is. He’s obviously just trying to keep his steps down. Also, those long walks to the toilet in the middle of the night are extremely dangerous as I refuse to turn on any light. I’d start pissing in my drawer tonight if I knew I wouldn’t have to clean it.

So after being confronted by his parents that he needs to stop pissing in the drawer he did what any rational person would do, he lied. Who the fuck in the right mind would admit to pissing in a drawer? That’s something you do, then you lie about. “Oh I spilled lemonade” is a pretty solid excuse. He unfortunately went with “the dog did it”. This is a great excuse in most cases. I used to blame shitting on the floor on my dog all the time. But what this kid doesn’t know is that the dog can’t open drawers, as they lack thumbs. So the parents immediately knew what was up and made the kid drink it.