Yea, I flicked it… but hear me out.

So we’re going to start off with just the facts of what happened:

So I’m standing at Wawa right in front of the Gatorade section trying to decide between yellow and orange (the only two acceptable colors when dealing with a level five hangover) when the urge to pick my nose hit me. I could feel a medium length-ed booger just right up in the cave. So I gave it a gentle yank, and as I expected, it came right out. I didn’t even inspect it as I quickly rolled it into a ball and flicked it on the ground.

That’s the whole truth. That is exactly what happened. The whole thing lasted maybe seven seconds. No one was killed. No one was hurt by the flicking of my booger.

So the second my rolled up booger hit the ground I heard a woman who I didn’t know was behind let out an audible “EW”. Now I know exactly what I did, so I shouldn’t have turned around. But much like the idiot that I am, I turned around. Here is exactly how the conversation went.

Her: “Uhmm did you just flick a booger on the ground?”

Me: “Sure did.”

Her: “That is disgusting, there is a bathroom like five feet away.”

Me: “This is Wawa. It’s a gas station that makes sandwiches. I didn’t flick a booger in the Vatican. Let’s relax a bit.”

Her: “This is the most foul thing I’ve ever witnessed.”

Me: “I doubt that.”

This is when I turned and walked away. I could care less about the rebuttal of some booger prude.

Now, let’s break down the argument so we can declare a winner.

Her: “Uhmm did you just flick a booger on the ground?”

What kind of question was this? I didn’t try to hide what I did. I literally picked my nose, rolled it and then flicked it. It was super obvious. No shame in my game. If I could have relieved this scenario I probably would have done something worse like smear it on the wall just to really piss her off. Or I’d put it on the handle of the door so someone accidentally touched it.

Me: “Sure did.”

This is when her facial expression changed from disgust to anger. I’m pretty sure she was expecting me to deny the accusation and walk away. I did neither. I always have pride in my actions. No matter how stupid or depraved they are, I stand by them.

Her: “That is disgusting, there is a bathroom like five feet away.”

Who lives like this? She does I guess. If we’re being honest she does seem like the kind of person who would do this. She’s probably the same kind of person that excuses themselves from social settings so they can fart in private. I’m honest with who I am, if you don’t want me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best. Just saying.

Me: “This is Wawa. It’s a gas station that makes sandwiches. I didn’t flick a booger in the Vatican. Let’s relax a bit.”

I think this was a surprisingly valid argument. I think it’s more than OK to flick a booger somewhere that you have zero respect for. And let’s be honest, if you have any respect for Wawa you’re an idiot. Like I said to her, it’s a gas station that makes sandwiches and literal bowls of slop food for people.

Her: “This is the most foul thing I’ve ever witnessed.”

Really? Me rolling a booger was the most foul thing you’ve ever witnessed? What a sad, sheltered life you must have led.

Me: “I doubt that.”

I’m actually sort of mad at myself for not keeping the argument going. Normally I ride things out like this until the person get’s super angry and storms off. But I just didn’t have the patience to ride this one out. But when it comes down to it, I clearly won the argument. This lady did nothing except for tell me how gross I was. Something I am clearly already well aware of.