As a lifelong Mets fan this is tough to write.

Sure he is one of the best short stops to ever play the game (Shout out to Cal Ripken Jr.). Sure he’s in the 3000 club. Sure he’s a five time gold glove winner. Sure he’s got five world series rings. Sure he’s a fourteen time all star and a five time silver slugger. But the one stat that stands out the most is how much dick he was slinging while in the height of his career.

Here’s a little taste of what he’s accomplished off the field: Mariah Carey (long before Nick Cannon made her bat shit crazy), Lara Dutta (Miss Universe 2000), Vanessa Minnillo, Jordana Brewster, Jessica Biel, Minka Kelly, all before settling down with Hannah Davis. I mean, Jesus Christ, I couldn’t dream up a better list. And that is not counting all the non-famous 10’s he has been with. Also that’s not counting the actresses and models whose agents and publicists squashed the story before it got released. I’ve never wanted to smell anyone’s dick before, but I think I’d take a whiff of his only because of where it’s been.

You know who should have taken a page out of Derek Jeter’s dick slinging manual? Antonio Cromartie. Antonio is about to have his fourteenth child and his second one since his vasectomy. Apparently his sperm cannot be stopped. Maybe he should have his balls removed. Or I don’t know, learn how to give a facial or two. You don’t have to leave it in every single time. Hopefully these will be his last two children leaving him with 14 children with 9 women, tying him with none other than the Pocket Rocket himself, Calvin Murphy, hall of fame NBA player.

Anyway, hats off to Jeter for doing it the way every athlete should. Congrats on the sex and congrats on the legendary dicking career.