I hope everyone going to this years NFL draft switches their wallet from their back pocket to their side pocket as the city hosting it this year is filled with thieving homeless people. Yes, that’s right, Philadelphia gets the nod to host this years NFL draft for the first time since 1961. Kind of ironic that the place where careers go to die will be the starting point for so many young athletes. Don’t get used to it Philly, I’m sure it will go back to a real city next year because I’m positive you will botch it like you guys botch most things. Also load up on the Immodium if you’re headed to Cheesesteak city because while that cheese wiz is absolutely delicious, it runs right through you like hot lava.

It should be an exciting day for everyone except for whoever goes first this year. That’s basically a career ender. I can’t think of a worse punishment than being drafted first overall to the Browns. Basically it will be on your shoulders to turn Cleveland around. Honestly I’d rather be mayor of Detroit than to be left to fix the Browns.  They’ve had eight first round draft picks in the last five drafts, and still they’ve only won twenty games in that span. Maybe it’s time for the Browns to try a different sport, I hear women’s lacrosse is getting pretty big.

I’m really excited to see all these pictures of the future stars of the NFL standing on or near the Rocky steps- it’s going to make for some very exciting television. And all the B-roll footage of people eating cheesesteaks and the liberty bell- I am literally frothing with anticipation.

If you, much like me, enjoy turning everything into a drinking game, here’s your guide:

Take one drink when: A mother cries when her son gets drafted, there is a trade…

Actually just drink every few seconds because you’re watching the NFL draft, and there is surely something better you could be doing with your time.

What will I be doing? I’ll be watching the draft, drinking every few seconds because I’m watching the draft.