The Pro Bowl Stunk

The Pro Bowl was last night and while the AFC beat the NFC, we the viewers were the real losers. As someone who dies a little bit inside when the football season ends I watch the Pro Bowl every year as it’s the second to last football Sunday of the year. And that leaves a gaping hole in my heart that can only be filled with scotch and bad decisions.

First of all, the Pro Bowl was doomed from the start when they moved it from Hawaii to Orlando. I get it, it’s expensive for Phillip Rivers to fly out his 17 children to Hawaii, but that’s why he makes the big bucks. And they couldn’t even fill the stadium. Everyone knows Orlando is the home of people on bath salts and perverts dressed in mice costumes- two kinds of people that really don’t have much going on. However, the people of Orlando decided they had better things to do than pack into a slightly larger than average high school stadium and watch a bunch of pro athletes pretend to try.

There are ways we can fix the Pro Bowl:

  1. Make the game matter. Like in baseball, how the winning conference of the all-star game gets to have home field advantage in the World Series. Maybe let the winning side automatically win the choice of who kicks and receives the ball. Then the coin toss can just be for picking sides.
  2. Move it back to Hawaii. Seriously, no one wants to go to Orlando. Don’t be stupid.
  3. Make the losing side’s Super Bowl bound team wear the Dolphin’s uniforms the week leading up to the big game. Obviously they shouldn’t wear them to the game, as those teal atrocities don’t deserve the big stage. I think we can all agree that there is nothing more embarrassing than putting on a Dolphin’s helmet.
  4. Every offensive play has to have at least one HB and one TE- that is the rule now. I think they should add a FB to the mix. Make it every play needs all three. I’d love to see the full back position take up three to four spots on the Pro Bowl team because none of them have enough stamina to play three downs or more every single drive.
  5. Bring back blitzing. Under the new rules you can’t blitz. I get it, you want to protect the QB. But these are the best lineman in the league. Obviously they can handle getting blitzed. Don’t pussify the game, Goodell.

These are all outstanding ideas Mr. Goodell, you’d be an idiot not to implement a few of these next year.

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