Round two baby. The last Bag of Dicks© went to the lady who freed the 23 pound lobster, you can read about that by typing ‘bag of dicks’ into the little search bar in the right corner. Come on do it, you know you’ve always wanted to type ‘bag of dicks’… Alright, you’re all caught up now, so let’s continue.
Anyway, this weeks Bag of Dicks© goes to none other than everyone’s favorite sports piece of shit talking head Skip Bayless.
Known for his absolutely preposterous sports takes on things he knows literally nothing about. Skip has secured himself as one of America’s dumbest people with a voice. I’d rather listen to what Honey Boo Boo’s mother thinks about the power struggle in the Middle East than what Skip has to say about game 5 of the World Series.
Let’s take a look at exactly how wrong Skip has been in the past:
Maybe bigger in Cleveland’s cocaine scene, but for sure not bigger in Cleveland’s sports scene. That wasn’t his only Johnny Football tweet that made zero sense.
What a huge regret that was. Sure Jadeveon Clowney got hurt a little bit. But he did make the Pro Bowl in 2016. Where as the only bowl Johnny Football made he used to smoke some weed out of. Not mad at it, just stating the facts.
Let’s keep digging though, I’m sure it can’t get much worse.
I’d say let’s take a look at their stats to see how they stack up, but Tebow doesn’t even play the same sport professionally anymore. Tebow is off trying to ruin my favorite baseball team (The Mets) whereas Andrew Luck is a four time Pro Bowler. Andrew Luck might look like a troglodyte, but that guy can throw a football.
This next one is my favorite:
It’s no secret that Skip hates Aaron Rodgers. I assume Skip is jealous because Aaron has the face of a man, whereas Skip looks like he was thrown together with old lesbian parts and self tanner. He is constantly shitting on Aaron for not being talented and being lucky. Rodgers is a two time MVP and a six time Pro Bowler. No big deal though. Skip Bayless once ate four pieces of shit for Dallas Cowboys tickets, so you can’t say the man is without talent. I for one could never chew and swallow four actual pieces of shit.
Congrats on the Bag of Dicks© , you asswipe.
I could probably continue for another hour or so, but I can hear the scotch calling my name from the kitchen… Scotchsquatch… Scotchsquatch… don’t worry scotch, I’m coming.