A Massive Blob of Seaweed is Headed for Florida: So Let’s Say Goodbye to the Garbage State

If New Jersey is the armpit of America, I think we can all agree Florida is the asshole. If DeSantis wants to get rid of all this garbage seaweed, he should just start telling people it pairs nicely with the white cans of Monster Energy, the universal drink of scumbags.

But instead I’m sure all he’ll do is block books containing the words ‘seaweed’ and ‘blob’. And before you call me a liberal soy boy cuck snowflake for making that joke, just know I make fun of both sides, don’t be a puss. I make fun of Biden too for being a worthless bag of bones and Trump for looking like an Orange Gatorade with Zach Morris hair. I hate everyone, I promise.

But now back to Florida.

As if the people of Florida didn’t stink enough, they’re going to have almost 5,000 miles of seaweed flooding it’s Gulf Coast as it ferments in the hot hot Caribbean heat, mon!

I hope the great citizens of Florida are able to make Lemonaid out of AIDs again, and somehow use this seaweed for good. Like I don’t know, maybe make it into a drug or something. Can’t you see a bunch of kids in orange UF shirts smoking fermented seaweed in a Publix parking lot? While they chug cans of the white Monster energy drink.

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