So I’ve been having this feeling for a while, that my nice little town is getting a little too big for its britches. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the area that I live, but I think we’re getting a little too fancy too quickly. Now what caused this…

So I live in a town with a lot of Wawa’s, between my town and the neighboring town we probably have like seventeen. Now I know a lot of people read this blog from all over (no big deal-ya boy is getting pretty popular) so let me explain what a Wawa is. Wawa is a gas station that serves food. Don’t get it twisted, I love Wawa. It’s the best when you’re in a rush or drunk and you don’t want to eat fast food donkey meat. But don’t let anyone fool you, Wawa is a gas station that serves food.

I’m driving today grabbing gas from one of my 17 local Wawa’s and I notice we have not one, not two, not three but like five or six Tesla charging stations…

Are you pulling my dick Wawa?

How many fucking people in this area own a Tesla? It’s not just a regular car charging station, it literally says Tesla on it in big bold letters. The cheapest Tesla (after doing research for literally 15 seconds) costs around 75 grand. I’d have to guess the median household income for my area to be probably about half that, maybe a little more. Also, how long do you plan on spending at a Wawa? Are you really going to sit there for however many hours it takes to charge a Tesla? With Wawa you’re in and out in about a 7 minutes, then it’s another short 40 minutes until the diarrhea is ready.

Don’t try and be fancy. Just be the cute little town that I know and love. I mean, people forget that literally three years ago this town had a business that you could walk into, pick a movie, and sit in a room and jerk off to it. Like that existed. There was a porn shop with a jerk off room. And it was busy! It’d be filled with dudes walking in wearing sunglasses and hats. There was even a little privacy wall that you could park behind so no one would see you. I even went in there once, for research of course. And honestly, the only thing that really stood out to me was how low the peep holes were. They were about waist high.

Listen I’m all for this town growing and getting some more cool shit. But let’s not start with Tesla charging stations, we don’t even have a Whole Foods or Panera Bread yet. Unfortunately, I think Whole Foods rule is that you have to be at least a decade removed from having an active gloryhole before they’ll move in.

Seven more years to go folks!