Shit White People Pay For: The Nacho Facial

As reported first by the bro’s who run the Lad Bible:


Imagine being all excited for a day at the spa. Kicking off your shoes and peeling your socks off. Taking your shirt and pants off. Removing your underpants and putting a condom on. Then you lay on the massage table, like you always do when getting a massage, but instead of someone coming and rubbing you down, they dump a plate of fucking nachos on you.

As someone who’s a big fan of dumping things on people’s face is, this is preposterous even to me.


Just a bucket of barely warm cheese, right to the face, like the world’s biggest dipshit. White people can literally ruin anything but I never thought it would get to this. I never thought they would get to nachos. Nachos, Mexico’s gift to the culinary world. I believe created by Pancho Villa as a way of feeding the troops and ensuring that they’d have diarrhea during Mexico’s Civil War. You see, whereas the Romans salted the grounds that they conquered; Pancho Villa and his band of troops left a trail of diarrhea everywhere they went. He famously said, “You can try and track me and my vatos if you want homes, but you’ll have to walk through our shit if you do.”


What are nachos without a little bit of salsa; how incredibly relaxing… Warm cheese, cold salsa, chips with sharp edges, what else is missing?

There it is. The sour cream dumped right onto Laurelei’s fun cannons. I’m actually OK with that. I can’t think of a better location for what looks like two full containers of sour cream….

OK so my guilt has gotten the best of me. Right after I finished writing that incredible Poncho Villa joke I decided to google this nacho spa thing to learn more about it, you know, so I could mock it better. Well, turns out it’s not real at all. It was made as a joke video to troll people. Well, job well done for sure, because I definitely got “got”.

But also, fuck you Lad Bible. You’re an actual website with a full time staff, this shit shouldn’t be getting through your cracks.

Anyway, I obviously decided to post this blog anyway. If Fox News can report fake news whenever they want so can I.

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