Breaking News: Another Gorilla Death


Just as the wounds from Harambe were starting to heal, another gorilla was found dead in the state of Ohio. It’s sort of becoming what Ohio zoos are known for. Another reason Ohio is the absolute worst (Fuck you Ohio State).


Colo was the oldest gorilla ever and the first one to be born in human captivity. Now, don’t let her old age fool you, she was still spry as ever.

The zoo is saying that she passed away peacefully in her sleep. Obviously I suspect foul play. If there is one time not to trust a zoo it’s when a gorilla is found dead (shout out to Harambe, also RIP). In the article I read a spokesperson for the zoo must have mentioned ten times how Colo died peacefully. Which is just what the murderous zookeepers want us to think.

I for one am calling for the footage. The zoo needs to prove to us beyond a reasonable doubt that they didn’t shoot this gorilla in the head. Look how much press the Ohio zoos got when Harambe got murked. Operating under the ‘no press is bad press’ set of standards, I really wouldn’t be surprised if this was an inside job used to stir up more publicity.

Colo leaves behind three children, sixteen grandchildren, twelve great grandchildren, and three great-great grandchildren.

RIP Colo



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1 Response to Breaking News: Another Gorilla Death

  1. Brando says:

    Eloquent as ever

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