Everyone should know how to properly defend themselves. There isn’t much worse than having the shit kicked out of you. And as someone who watches those Worldstar fight videos everyday I can without a doubt say most people don’t know how to defend themselves. Poland’s Army (yes, they have an Army, I checked) will be teaching free self defense classes starting next month.

I was able to get hold of the class schedule as well as brief descriptions for the upcoming classes:

Class one (Monday)- How to throw a punch. Just your basic punching technique. Straights, jabs, hooks, uppercuts; all of the classics.

Class two (Tuesday)- Kicking. How to properly kick away the defender.

Class three (Wednesday)-Pretending your on the side of your attacker so they stop beating the shit out of you. Whatever the attacker is yelling start yelling that as well. Also you’re going to want to mirror all of their movements. It shows solidarity with the attacker.

Class four (Thursday)- Kissing the attacker. It’s pretty hard to punch someone who is kissing you, just saying.

Class five (Friday)- Freeze. No seriously, just freeze like a statue. They’ll probably get confused and just walk away.

Class five (Saturday)- Yelling. I don’t know, maybe someone who knows how to fight will hear you. And maybe they won’t join the side of the attacker. Fingers crossed.

If these classes don’t work for you watch any Steven Seagal movie. There is plenty to learn from watching a true master perform martial arts. I recommend starting with the new ones and working your way through the older ones. It’ll be like watching a blimp deflate.