Why I’m OK With Gas Prices Going Up

Listen, I wish rising gas prices didn’t make me so horny, but they do. It’s a shitty reality we have to accept. Like having bad knees as an adult or people pretending to like when Ellen Degeneres dances.

I am absolutely shocked, that as a nation of people who regularly shame the poor, that we are this sad about the rising cost of gas.

I mean, driving is a privilege, not a right. No one has the right to get to work safely, or the right to drive around this town and let the cops chase us around. I’ve heard of people acting like they’re born with a privilege, but nothing as bad as I’m seeing now with these people who think they should be able to afford to drive. George Washington didn’t write about driving in the constitution. Aborham Lincoln didn’t abolish people not being allowed to drive. Alexander Hamilton didn’t even rap about driving.

You do however have a right to party, and you’d better fight for that right. Rest in peace MCA.

I mean, imagine if the roads were only driven by us 1 percenters? That would make life so much easier. Less traffic, less littering, and less pollution in general. People lived thousands of years riding horses. If gas is too expensive for you, sell your Saturn and buy a horse. Horses don’t need gas. I think they eat grass and carrots and I don’t know probably dirt or something. And if you can’t afford those things then I don’t know; you’ve fucked up somewhere along the line real bad and you don’t belong on the road with the rest of us.

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