Worlds Douchiest Hotel To Open In October 2019

Of course this is happening in Florida.

Hard Rock is opening up a 450 foot hotel shaped like a guitar this October in Hollywood, Florida.

The place is clearly going to be the Mecca for a lot of very, very lame people. Listen, I love architecture just as much as the next guy who is trying to look intelligent while talking a babe, but who gives a fuck what your hotel is shaped like? There is no doubt in my mind that the lead architect for this hotel has two small hoop earrings in each ear and has an email like “”.

Honestly, if you’re going to shape your hotel like a guitar you might as well totally steer into it. Have your toilets be snare drums. Not toilets shaped like snare drums, I mean actual snare drums as toilets. You want the rock and roll experience, here it is. You’re not a rockstar unless you’ve shit in your loser drummers snare drum.

Maybe have some other authentic rock and roll experiences. Have all the rooms be tour bus style bunk beds. I mean sure it might look a little concentration camp-ish, but come on baby that’s rock and roll.

In reality this is going to be a place filled with jean shorts and chain wallets. A place where dads who sell insurance go to show their kids with fruit punch stained lips the glove Michael Jackson wore when he kissed all those kids. Or Elton John’s load stained piano.

I’m willing to take all of this back if they want to give me a free stay in this douche bag hotel to write an actual review of it. Holler atcha boy, Hard Rock Casino. I fly first class or not at all.

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