The TasteMaker: 7/11 Hot Dog Edition

So if you’ve been reading this for any length of time you’ve probably come to this conclusion: I have incredible taste in literally every aspect of life.

So people come to me a lot asking for recommendations, whether it be on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Grindr, or in the WaWa bathroom and I wish I had more time to help.

That’s what the point of these blogs and videos are going to be. I’m going to be showing you lovely folks what to see/eat/drink/whatever.

As someone who has had a love/hate relationship with diarrhea since 7th grade (I love never having to push but I truly hate the rest of it), the choice for what to do first was obvious…

The 7/11 Hot Dog Trilogy

Let’s start with the classic:

Regular Hot Dog with mustard and ketchup


Let’s call this the control dog. I first had a bite plain before I added some locally sourced mustard and some non GMO tomato based ketchup chutney. The bread was soft yet firm. Some lesser palates would call it stale, but I’m far more sophisticated than the average person and I know how to appreciate a good loaf. Of bread. The meat, salty and crisp on the outside with a sort of mushiness or je ne sais auoi about it, that I could really appreciate it.

The ketchup was sweet and paired perfectly with the hot dog. Sweet and savory, my god my taste buds were in shock. Then I got to the mustard bite. HOLY MOLY folks, my taste buds just took a Peter North sized load of deliciousness. It was zesty, sweet, salty, meaty, crispy yet soft; a truly remarkable meal.

Dog Number Two: Cheese Doggy Dogg


I’m going to be honest here, I got incredibly lucky that the chili button didn’t work and only the cheese button did. The liquid cheese came pouring out as I quickly tried to move hot dog number two to the correct position directly under my new cheese faucet. I missed pretty badly and the maître d’ quickly gave me a new takeout vestibule to place my meat log and bun in. I was more careful the second time around, really aiming the nozzle of the cheese faucet almost right up against my loaf of meat.

The cheese was remarkable rich in flavor. Most likely a medley of aged cheddars and perhaps some brie to make it loose and creamy. The cheese medley, now draped over my log of meat was ready to be bitten into. The cheese by the time it made it’s way to my mouth had become just slightly cooler than room temperature. I believe this is how the French eat their cheeses. Upon first bite the cheese glued itself to my mouth like napalm. The world’s most delicious napalm.

Dog Number Three: Bahama Mamma German Sausage


I tossed a regular sized dog on top of the Bahama Mamma German Sausage so you can truly grasp the size and ferocity of this beast. It’s dry skin reminded me of that of a slightly less moist raisin. If that slightly less moist raisin was shaped like a magnificent penis and loaded up with horse meat.

The first bite was tough and dry, as if the sausage wanted you to earn the moist middle bites. The second and third bites too. But that fourth bite, my Lord of heaven was it divine.

Rather than give you a number scale on how this is rated, I’m going to tell you how drunk you’d need to be to eat this. For this meal you’d have to down 10+ drinks. And they’d all have to be doubles.


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