ScotchSquatch

I used to try and write something a few times a week, and I called it the daily shot- I think I’m going to bring it back. At least until I get too busy or I forget. Neither of which you can blame me for. Blame someone else.

I was at the ATM depositing some cash, and this was the warning that popped up as I went to insert my cash into the cash slot:

Do not include paperclips or rubber bands in with your deposit.

For them to put this warning up I have to imagine at least one person was dumb enough to do this. So you’re looking at the stack of money that you’re going to deposit and you spot the paperclip holding your 17 singles together and think- “Oh I can probably leave that on there, I’m sure the ATM can sort that out.”

It cannot and please do not have children.

The best part of the whole thing is the condescending, “Now, you’re ready.”

I spilled my coffee the other day because people think it’s OK to blindly walked across a busy road to get to the beach. I get that pedestrians have the right of way- but maybe don’t walk in front of a five thousand pound truck. Look both ways, then cross when it’s safe. It’s simple. We learned it as children.

But for some reason these people cross the street like squirrels, blindly walking, and then once about halfway there pausing to look you in the eyes, before continuing on their journey across 2-4 lanes of moving vehicles. Some of those moving vehicles are captained by 17 year olds with a mild buzz from day drinking on the beach.

People forget that like 1/3 of the population is at least a little bit drunk at any given time. I don’t think I’m making that up either. I’m almost positive I read it somewhere. Or maybe I made it up.

It’s Memorial Day Weekend, the official kick-off to the busy season around these parts. So I’m sure there will be a ton of people slamming on their brakes this weekend as a family of nine walks slowly across the road without looking either way. Moments later they’ll be yelling at a 15-year-old beach badge checker, but for now they’re dodging traffic like they are the entitled version of Frogger. So stay alert if you’re driving and if you see a kid getting yelled at for doing their job, go stick up for them.

Actually, that is my big request, and that should be your take away from this whole thing. A- people are idiots. B- lets start all sticking up for people being wronged.

If you’re out and you see someone yelling at their bartender or server or a retail worker, go call them an asshole. Let’s start publicly shaming people for being mean.

Enjoy your weekend.

Now, you’re ready.