ScotchSquatch

So this story takes place about 8 to 10(ish) years ago.

I had to get two wisdom teeth pulled, but I was poor and without insurance. So I had to find a dentist that would do it on the cheap, this meant being fully awake for the procedure. It was less than ideal, but I dealt with throbbing tooth pain for about as long as I could handle. So I made the appointment and scored myself some edibles to help ease the pain and anxiety.

Like a responsible adult, I asked around for rides because I didn’t want to drive on the amount of edibles I was going to be on, but no one was willing to miss work to take my idiot ass to the dentist. So I asked my mom to take me, to which she happily obliged.

So I wake up the morning of and proceed to eat about 75 mgs of edibles. This was when edibles were still made in some random persons kitchen, not by some nerd in a lab coat. So it could have been way more or way less than 75 mgs. Either way, I was feeling fucking rocked from this dosage.

We arrive at the dentists office just as the edible hits. Perfect timing right?

Wrong.

Fucking wrong.

I was greeted with, “We’re running about an hour late.” By who I think was the worlds oldest living human.

“OK, that isn’t great for me. Can we reschedule it for another day then, maybe tomorrow?”

The next available appointment was in three weeks. So I just had to buckle up and deal with being incredibly stoned next to my mom in a boring waiting room. I figured this would be fine, I’d just scroll social media and find funny videos to watch. It could be worse right?

Sure could be.

Almost no signal. Fuck. So I went to hop on their WIFI and I noticed there was a printer there I could also hook up to. So I did what any normal person would do.

I started printing pictures of Alf.

You know, this guy:

So clicked print, unsure if it would even work. I waited a few minutes more minutes and printed another one.

That’s when a different older woman, also in her late 60’s maybe early 70’s walked up to the front desk lady.

“Did you print these pictures?”

She asked while holding up the two pictures of Alf I printed.

I am struggling not to cry laughing. But I’m high. And this is maybe the weirdest thing I’ve ever done.

Lady 1: “No, I didn’t print those pictures.”

Lady 2: “OK well someone did, and (Lady 3) says she didn’t either.”

While they were talking I decided I would print a third Alf picture.

Lady 3 angrily struts up to the other two women, holding the third Alf picture, “OK who is doing this? This needs to stop.”

I am belly laughing at this point with my hand over my mouth to try not to make any noise.

Not being someone who knows how to leave well enough alone, I printed a fourth Alf picture.

This time the dentist got involved and I had to get up and use the bathroom because if they saw me crying laughing I knew I’d get busted.

So I spent the next few minutes laughing on the toilet printing a few more Alf pictures. And then the twenty minutes after that trying to stop laughing.

I finally calmed down and walked out and sat next to my mom, who at this point wasn’t looking too pleased.

“Is it you?” She asked.

“Is what me?” I could feel myself laughing.

“Are you printing pictures of some creature?”

And I lost it laughing.

“Oh my God, what is wrong with you? Why would you do that? They unplugged the printer, because she said it wouldn’t stop.”

I look up and I see and hear all three of the old ladies arguing about how someone hacked into their printer.

Not knowing what to do I try and sneak my phone into my pocket and loudly say to my mom, “Man I can’t believe I forgot my phone at home, I’m such an idiot.”

My mom looked back over at me dumbfounded and did that yell whisper parents do, “How fucking high are you right now?”

I sat there for the next however long it took, trying not to laugh every time I thought about it. Eventually I got called back, and let me tell you, everyone at that dentists office was fucking livid at each other. I absolutely ruined the vibe of that office for the day.