ScotchSquatch

Look, I get it.

But you can’t.

You just can’t.

You can’t go around punching people for no reason. You need a reason to punch someone… like they don’t agree with your long winded political Facebook posts. Maybe they commented “beautiful” on your girlfriend’s Instagram. Or maybe they said something bad about your favorite sports team. But to just walk up to someone and blast them in the face for no reason? That is a bananas way to live.

That aside, it’s time to report the news.

Steve Buscemi, famous for his roles in Con Air and Big Daddy, was walking around Kips Bay Manhattan when a stranger ran up and blasted him in the face. I cannot comment on whether or not he cried when he got punched- as my Google search yielded zero results, but I’m going to assume he did. And that isn’t a knock against him. If I was a 66 year old man and some moron decked me in the face out of the blue, I’d probably cry as well. I’m 37 and if someone snuck into my office and punched me in the face right now, I’m sure I would cry. So please do not do that.

As of right now no one has been taken into custody for the brutal attack on Steve Buscemi. But I’d like to ask upon the great citizens of New York to become vigilantes and hunt down this monster who is out there punching old men. Once you find this guy, do what you please with him.**

** I take zero legal responsibility for anything that may happen to the guy who punched Steve Buscemi