ScotchSquatch

If you think about it, it’s a tale as old as time. People have been pissing since back when Jesus was curing leopards back in Nazareth. And now we’re gonna crucify this guy for accidentally mixing up his Chic Fil A piss cup with a customer’s Chic Fil A milkshake cup? Is there anything you people won’t complain about? Talk about not taking personal responsibility.

It was a normal day for Caleb Woods (piss drinker, pictured above), just hanging out at home doing sit-ups when the craving for some Chic Fil A hit him. So he hopped on Grubhub and decided it would be fun to pay $25 for $11 worth of food. When his food and drink arrived he was excited, nothing beats a milkshake, right? Upon pressing his juicy lips up against the straw and taking a big pull, he noticed the warm piss flooding his mouth and throat- not a frosty milkshake.

He went outside and confronted the driver and was like, “hey man, I think this is piss I’ve been gulping down.”

And the driver was like, “aw man, must’ve been my piss cup, my bad.”

This should have been the end of it.

But for known piss drinker Caleb, that wasn’t enough.

With this 2023 cancel/blame culture, I’m not surprised you’re all blaming this hardworking Grubhub driver.

I however, think Caleb is to blame. Caleb, how fucking stupid are you? You didn’t realize it was a warm piss cup when you grabbed it? You also didn’t realize the contents were shifting back and forth like they do when you pick up a cup of piss? Milkshakes don’t move like piss does when it’s in a cup, everyone knows that. Now sure, you can try and shift the blame back to the driver, but you’d be wrong.

So Caleb went on Grubhub and complained, like millennials do and Grubhub reimbursed him $18 of the $25 towards his order and can you believe this, HE WANTED MORE. Caleb, he didn’t piss on all your food, just your milkshake. I’m sure you still ate the rest of your food, presumably to try and get the taste of his piss out of your mouth.

Even after his reimbursement, THAT WASN’T ENOUGH FOR KING CALEB! He reached out to the news. Must have not been a lot of horse thefts and cow-tipping in the news that week for this to make Utah’s ABC 4 prime time broadcast. And to not only get the picture up there, but to make the ticker too. My goodness.

If you ask me the only thing that Grubhub driver is guilty of is being severely dehydrated.